Meet and Greet
by atlantisXgirl
Summary: Kirk decides to introduce McCoy to the crew...because they've never met. Ever.


**I honestly have no idea where this idea came from. Perhaps McCoy had no idea who he was stabbing hyposprays into and Kirk thought that was bad. Or maybe I'm just insane. Either works.**

**I don't own Star Trek or it's slew of amazing characters, but if I did, my life would be amazing. **

**Enjoy**

"Well bones I think it's time you got properly introduced to my alpha shift! Without them we'd all die!" captain James Tiberius Kirk said as he clapped his CMO on the shoulder.

"Thank you for that pleasant thought, captain" the senior medical officer almost sneered the word, not because he disliked the fact that a 20 something with an ego the size of the Enterprise herself was his captain, but because he liked how it made the young man wince. He was kind of evil that way.

"Fuck you too Bones" Kirk said with a smile as he walked away from his friend, straight towards his first officer.

"I'm assuming you two know each other" Kirk said stopping to stand next to a rather tall Vulcan.

"Spock" McCoy managed to spit put, greatly resisting the urge to call the commander a green blooded hobgoblin.

"McCoy" was his reply, accompanied by a curt and rather forced nod.

Kirk could feel the tension rising between the two. Dreading what might happen if he left them to stare (erm...glare) at each other much longer, he swooped in with the first thought that came to his mind.

"Hey would you look at that, you two match"

Both men quickly looked down, glared once more at each other and then turned their gazes towards the blond standing in front of them.

Well that didn't make things much better.

"Um...heeeeey Bones! Have you met Uhura?" Kirk said grabbing the CMO by the shoulder and dragging him towards the communications officer, who was busily chatting in some alien language to another crew member.

"No Jim, I've never seen this woman before in my life. It's not like we went to the same academy or anything. I never had any classes with her. Oh and it's definitely not like we've ever been through the Kobayashi Maru together have we Nyota? How many times was it again? Two?" McCoy was putting as much sarcasm into his response as was humanly possible.

"Three" she replied a smug smile spreading across her face.

"Hey! I passed it the third time didn't I?" Kirk replied crossing his arms and huffing like a kid who was just denied candy.

"That's because you cheated!" McCoy said jabbing a finger into kirks chest.

"You're just jealous you didn't think of it" Kirk said sticking his tongue out at his friend.

"I don't have time for this right now, unlike you tow some of us have actual work to do. Go say hi to Chekov and Sulu" Uhura said still smiling and turning her chair back to her work station.

"Yeah! Let's go meet them. I know you've never been introduce to them" Kirk said once again pulling McCoy's sleeve.

Sighing he followed Kirk towards a rather happy looking teenager sitting at the navigation post.

"This is Pavel Chekov" Kirk said gesturing at the kid.

The young man turned around and McCoy recognized him as the kid who had saved Kirk a few months ago, the kid also happened to be a quite frequent guest in the medical bay. He was always hurt.

"You're that Russian wiz kid aren't you?" McCoy questioned raising an eyebrow at the kid.

"Da!" the boy replied with a smile in his voice.

"But you're also the one who's always hurting himself. Kid you're in the infirmary almost every day." the doctor said with a warning tone in his voice.

Chekov rubbed the back of his neck, a wary smile on his face. "Da, I am, uh klutzy?"

Kirk patted the kid on the back. "We know Chekov, we know"

The boy flashed a big smile and turned back to his work leaving Sulu as the only other alpha shift member not "fully introduced" to Doctor McCoy.

"Oi!" Kirk called slapping the helmsmen on the back. "Sulu! How's it going?"

The now very perplexed Asian man turned his chair to face the captain and CMO. "Uh, pretty good captain."

Kirk elbowed McCoy in the ribs."I don't know if you knew this bones, but I totally saved this guys ass a few months ago, yeah we were kicking some Romulan butt and this guy was standing waaaay too close to the edge of that stupid drill and got himself knocked off and I being the amazing person I am..."

Sulu sighed and sent a pleading glance at the doctor. It just screamed, "for the love of god make him stop talking"

"Jim" McCoy tried.

"I leaped off the platform to save him..." Kirk continued

"Jim, hey Jim..." McCoy said finally whacking his friend on the arm. "Why don't you take me to meet Scotty?"

"That's a great idea captain! Take Doctor McCoy to meet Scotty" Sulu chimed in.

"Yeah! That is a good idea" Kirk said grinning as he ran off towards the turbolift, just before stepping in he turned and faced McCoy. "Doctor McCoy you have the con while I take Bones to meet Scotty!" as soon as he finished his sentence the turbolift doors flew shut and silence was returned to the bridge.

Chekov was the first to speak up. "Vat just happened?"

McCoy slid into an empty seat near Uhura, made a Y hand shape and tipped his thumb to his lips. He smiled as a collective "Ooooooh" came from everyone in the room.

**X X X**

A few minutes later a voice spoke over the com.

"Scotty to bridge."

McCoy reluctantly stepped over to the captain's chair and replied: "McCoy here, what is it Scotty?"

"Well doctor, it seems that Kirk is passed out on one of my computers and I was wondering what you wanted me to do with the lad"

"Just keep him where he is and I'll be down in a few minutes"

"Aye"

McCoy handed the con over to Spock and stepped into the transporter. Tomorrow Kirk was going to have the biggest hangover of his young life, which meant that tomorrow was going to be very very fun for a doctor by the name of Leonard McCoy.

**Feel free to comment/message if you find anything funky and think i should fix it and or add on.**

**Comments and critiques welcome. **

**All that really matters is that this story made _me_ laugh, right?**

**(I would like to point out that Sulu's is a palindrome. Hehe)**


End file.
